Borrowed Time
by night.ixora
Summary: After the "Forest of the Dead." The fate of River Song weighs darkly over the Doctor. The Doctor finds comfort on the TARDIS from a visitor. A short collection of moments following River Song's timeline, but from the Doctor's POV.
1. A Kindness

Her sorrowful, knowing smile troubled him. The way she had sat before him in the library, facing death with fear and grief barely held in check by determination, haunted him deeply. Yet—stronger than anything else, she had looked to him with love, unfettered, unabashed love, which superseded even her existence. With that look, she seared herself onto his hearts and shaken him to the depths of his very being.

The Doctor stood at the TARDIS console, one arm on his hip and the other propping him up against the display. If anyone walked in, they would see he hunched over the controls with a fierce, concentrated glower. They would have to be closer to see the sadness and pain. He was glad humans needed so much regular sleep; that little human fact ensured him Donna rested in her room where she couldn't see him, and he wouldn't have to explain the few tears that escaped his control. River Song. Even her name had a certain beautiful, mysterious melancholy to it. Certainly, he had saved her, but why did that not feel like enough? In 903 years, the Doctor saw harsher deaths and lives. While the part of him that didn't know her was satisfied she wasn't _gone_, the part of him that knew who she would become ached because she wasn't _here_.

He felt the old darkness and despair rise up in him, wild for vengeance or some sort of outlet for the futility of his connections. "Time Lord" was such a laughable moniker. More than any other beings, Time Lords were subjugated and victims to the cruelties of time. His people endured loss and knowledge beyond what frail consciousness should be able to bear. This was the reason why his kind were never meant to carry the burden of time travel alone. The Doctor's eyes drifted over the stations in the TARDIS. When he was younger and naïve, he elected to travel time and space with human companions because they saw the universe in a refreshing light and without the rules and constrictions of his race, but now he was old, alone, and the last of his kind. The Doctor was left with the choice of wrestling with despair and madness of traveling alone or traveling with companions who would fade and scar his soul.

"Doctor."

Startled, he spun around too quickly, tripping up against the controls and gripping his hearts in a slightly over dramatic fashion. "Geez—Donna! Don't creep up on me like a cat! You know how I feel about—" The word fell away as he found himself staring at a hazy, static-filled hologram of River Song.

"Well," the image huffed; her picture flickered as she fluffed her hair. "What sort of greeting is that? Mistaking me for another girl? I would smack some sense into you if this weren't just a transmission." She smiled ruefully, crossing her arms. Her hazel gaze swept over him. "I have to say though, Doctor, _this_ regeneration? Yum." Despite the grainy broadcast, the playfulness in her voice gave the image so much life. "_Hello_, sweetie."

"What? _What? WHA—"_

River held up a finger over her lips, a mocking serious expression overtaking her features. "Now, now. None of that. We haven't the time." Her lips quirked. "I only have the energy of one star to talk: borrowed time, you know?" She winked at him and caught sight of her reflection in a mirrored surface. "Oh!" A scowl came across her animated features. "Why didn't you tell me I look all scramble?" She scolded. "My first date with version 10 of you, and you let me stand here with the equivalent of lipstick on my teeth without saying a word? Shame." She held up a sonic screwdriver, adjusting the image until it became painfully lifelike. "There. Lovely, if I do say so myself."

The Doctor was struck speechless. He stood there, mouth opening and closing for a moment before he tried to think. His mind raced as his fingers searched his inner coat pockets for his brainy specs. _First date?_ Wariness spread through him. He took out the glasses and put them on slowly, stalling for time. Finally, he squinted up at her, thinking back for her words. "Where are we this time?" He peered at her squinting.

"My, my. Who's got you trained?" River smirked.

Part of him eased. This was interesting. Every meeting must be painful and uncertain, but she met it with the bravado of a new game. As he gazed at her with new appreciation, he noticed an old wisdom, a heavy burden held in her green eyes; Time Lord eyes. She knew, had lived as closely as possible to an existence of a Time Lord and endured to stand here before him, to seek him out. His hearts lightened. She was his future. He leaned back and rested his palms on the dash, crossing his long legs in front of him. "Spoilers," he grinned as he cocked his head to the side.

Her laughter was bright, rich and deep, flowing out of her and wrapping around him like a balm. "Well, Doctor. I'm impressed. I was warned you would be young, but here you are, catching on so quickly."

"Sorry—warned?"

Her smile was gentle and compassionate with a deep empathy that made him ache. "I was told you lost someone today. I know you don't know me very well, but you need me—" Her words were a little unsure of her welcome, a little awkward. She laced her fingers in front of her. "—so here I am."

"You are remarkable." He stared at her in wonder. The universe still had its surprises even for an old Time Lord. There would be sorrow and heartache, but he gazed at her and knew he wouldn't be alone. The future was still waiting for him.

A startled look crossed her face before she tried to suppress a pleased smile. "Oh, sweetie. You do know how to make a girl blush. I am supposed to be here to make _you_ feel better." A sudden pensive look overtook her features. "Damn stars don't last nearly as long as they need to."

The Doctor smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah—that they don't."

"Well, I best relay the message then." She looked at him with a tenderness, he hadn't seen in a while. "Don't forget: 'Across all of time and space, you are _not_ alone. Never alone. They send their love.'"

Brow furrowed in confusion, the Doctor leaned forward. "Wait. Who?"

Her smile was patient and lovely. This soft and pure look replaced the painful image of her in the library on his hearts. He would remember her like this until they met again. "Everyone." The warmth behind that single word lingered even as her image disappeared.


	2. An Argument

The Doctor looked on as River Song stared at the place where the image of the younger Doctor had dissipated. He felt slightly off kilter watching a key event in his own timeline from "the other side." Having River send a comforting message to his past self was a little mind-boggling, but he learned long ago to accept the fact that time was wibbly wobbly like that. He watched with fascination as mixed emotions flowed across her beautiful face. She blinked rapidly a few times to clear the mistiness from her eyes. Soon enough, her usual flirty expression quickly settled on her features. River tossed the sonic screwdriver to him with a satisfied smile that transformed into a smirk when he fumbled trying to catch it. He pointedly ignored his lack of grace and hastily tucked the device into his trouser pocket.

The Doctor tossed his head, trying to get his hair out of his eyes. "Thanks. He—" the Doctor paused before correcting himself, "_I_ needed that." He steepled his fingers together, flexing them and marveling at his new body. The fingers were a bit longer, definitely explaining why he was still clumsy at grabbing things.

River crossed the room, coming to sit next to him on the TARDIS console. "What's got you thinking about the good ole days?"

He smiled what he guessed was a sexy smile. New face; he mentally noted needing some mirror practice time. "Oh you know, new body, reminiscing. Thought, I'd give you a ring."

Her eyes took in the torn light blue dress shirt, shredded brown pinstripe pants, and the loose askew swirly patterned tie. "You must be fresh off the presses. You're dressed like him." River's smile was teasing and inviting. His hearts went out of sync for a moment. Was she always this thrilling?

"Is there something wrong with the way I'm dressed?" He asked in a baiting tone, tilting his head towards her.

"Bit—raggedy? Wouldn't you say?" River laughed as she tugged on his tie gently. Her eyes wandered fondly over his face and his body; the Doctor felt a pleasant warmth flood across his skin. "I've only always pictured you in a bowtie," she murmured absently. He saw she regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.

Hm. He pictured himself as a sexy professor, tweed jacket and bowtie. He considered the image, a pleased smile crossing his lips. "Bowties could be cool." He looked at Professor River Song, adoring the way her straw-colored curls bounced as she tried to hold back a laugh. The Doctor knew he'd only seen her for three fleeting moments, but he had travelled for lifetimes with people after knowing them far less. His imagination and hearts filled at the thought of the adventures they would have. "You know, asking you to make a house call isn't the only reason why I rang you." The Doctor shifted on his feet, registering and making note of the long-ness of his new legs. He floundered for a moment, trying to find the right words. "I know you and I will go through a lot." He flickered a glance towards her, suddenly shy. "So why not start now?"

His hearts cinched as he saw the liveliness drain out of her sunny features. She dropped her hazel gaze and took a deep breath. After a tense moment, River looked at him sadly. "Whenever and wherever you'd like. But I can't stay with you always." Her words were gentle and soothing, but that only made them sting more. She continued; he could barely listen. "Too dangerous. We're on opposite sides of a timeline, going in different directions." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. "We can't be together for too long. We're _only_ allowed moments in time."

His pride prickled with the finality of her rejection; he felt the first taste of bitterness in this new body. The sensation rattled his sleeping temper. "You know, there are people dying to go with me, begging me to take them anywhere. I can't even count the number of people that wait lifetimes for the chance I am giving you." He felt mean, but didn't quite know how to control it in this form. Instead, he pushed away from the console and paced. When she didn't say anything, the Doctor threw up his hands in frustration, and he spun to face her, accusation in his eyes. "I have a new beginning, and I want it to be with you."

River's beautiful eyes narrowed, bright and dangerous. "You're being childish," she hissed. River poked him in the chest—hard. "You act like it's not what I want! Didn't you hear anything I said? Our time together is _always_ borrowed time, taken in secret, in moments. That's all we have. It's all I ever spend my life chasing!"

The Doctor's mind buzzed with too many raw emotions. His hand closed over her angry one still poised on his chest, right over his left heart. "You wouldn't let me before in the library, but there's no danger here." His eyes searched hers, trying to bring them back to a fun and causal place. This argument stung, and all he wanted was to run with her and see her brave laugh and devious smile. His eyes were imploring. Asking her this in such a begging tone went against his nature. "Time can be rewritten. We can bend time to align your life with mine. Don't you want that?"

There was heaviness and exhaustion etched into her face. "You're young." So much despair in those two words. "Do you even know who you are leaving behind by asking me this?"

"I don't care!" He blurted, but little Amelia Pond's trusting face flashed though his mind for a brief second. The Doctor pushed that thought away. Well, he could always come back for her. She could wait.

River snatched away her trembling hand. Her eyes narrowed, and he could see frustration and irritation flashing in the hazel depths of her eyes. She shook her head sadly. "You embarrass me," she said, disappointment in her voice. Her deft fingers flew across the keypad of the transporter on her wrist. River threw him one more agonizing look before she pressed a button and vanished.

The Doctor stood in shocked silence for several minutes before he released a heavy breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. Shaking his head, he ran an agitated hand through his hair. He felt like one of his hearts was heavy with regret and dejection; the other was pounding with ire and hurt pride. River Song was trouble unlike he had ever known before. The Doctor was accustomed to interacting with anything in time and space with a relative understanding of how events and people were supposed to be. Knowing how the future intended to flux gave you that advantage. _But_ River was his future, and for once, he had no idea what that implied. Sometimes all he felt he knew is that she embodied the condensed, wild starfire of Gallifrey: beautiful, warm, burning and constantly pulling at the very center of you. His jaw clenched. Well, if she didn't want to travel, that worked fine by him. He jabbed a button on the control panel. He didn't need her spoilers or her brand of trouble. He shoved a lever with more roughness than he really needed to. There were plenty other humans out there waiting.

* * *

Author's Note: I wanted to bridge the gap between the Doctor's reactions in "Forest of Dead" and when he sees River again in "Time of the Angels." "Borrowed Time" is going to be a short collection of moments following River Song's timeline, but from the Doctor's POV.


	3. An Ending

The Doctor arrived just as she teleported back to her cell. Before he could speak, she stomped her foot and pulled at her hair, frustration lacing her every moment. "That man!" she yelled, throwing her fist into a pillow on her cot. Though the cell was dark, he could see the sheen of tears gathering in her eyes. "As if I weren't _dying_ to go with him."

The Doctor winced, loosening his tie while he cleared his throat loudly, scuffing his trainers against the floor. "I'd hate to be the man that deserved the other side of your fist."

She whirled to face him. He saw her eyes were bright with pain and sadness. Anger was the only safe way to release, then. Her face crumpled when she saw him, but she turned it into a laugh. "You usually are the man. But if it makes you feel any better, you always definitely deserve it." River sighed and quickly swiped away any tears.

"Why are you in a cell?" The Doctor asked, walking towards her. "Or rather: why are you in Stormcage, the highest grade security containment facility in the 52nd century?" He gripped the bars between them, trying to look causal when he urgently needed something to lean on. The regeneration pain was building with each passing moment.

"Spoilers." River replied cautiously, sauntering towards him.

"Well," he smiled brightly. "Let's get you out, then, before I ruin any surprises."

Her answering smile was instantaneous and sunny. He forgot about the nagging pain for a moment. She pulled out the TARDIS blue journal from the bag on her side.

His eyes flickered from the journal to her face as she began to flip through its pages. He tried to think of how to phrase his words, but just ended up blurting out, "Ah, we're a bit after when you hologramed in to give me a message on the TARDIS."

"Ah," River nodded and tucked the book away a slight flush covering her cheeks.

The Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the door lock. A small burst of energy undid the lock with ease. As she slipped through the door, he held a hand out to her with his most winning smile. The Doctor had seen the range of human emotions possible when he offered his hand out to people. The feelings that humans wore on their sleeves told him a lot about the type of companion they would be. Some took his hand with curiosity, or excitement, or wonder. Without exception though, he could always see varying degrees of fear hidden or mixed when they looked at him. Now, River stood on the other side of his offered hand. As if knowing his thoughts, her eyes met his, and he saw the bravery that exemplified the very best of humanity. He had always heard that the opposite of fear was love, and he had always believed those people had never tried to love away the fear of meeting an army full of Daleks head on. However, seeing how River looked at him now, he considered there might be a bit more to that saying than he had given credit.

She slipped her hand into his with a familiarity that soothed him. He was glad he chose to spend him last moments in this body with her. As they approached the TARDIS, he snapped his fingers and the doors opened. That would never stopped being cool.

He heard her gasp as they crossed the threshold, confusion sweeping him for a moment. As she walked in, her hands caressed a beam on the ship, wonder in her eyes. When she saw his face she smiled ruefully, acknowledging the question on his lips. Her finger traced the curve of the beam. "She changes like you." An affection smile crossed her lips as the same finger traced the lines on the collar of his suit. "Changing yet the same." The way she marveled, relaxed him. You would think, after going through so many regenerations through his life, things would get easier. They never did, so he was surprised that her understanding of it slightly calmed his apprehension about the coming change. He smiled before bounding away to the controls.

"Well River, can you imagine what little corner of the universe I am going to sweep you away to?"

She chuckled, following after him. "I imagine it's full of the usual danger and mystery that follows you on your coattails." As the TARDIS rocked into motion, River quickly grasped on to him to keep her balance.

"Glad I can still surprise you, then," he winked as his arm wrapped around her waist.

She laughed as they hurtled through time and space together. When they landed, he gave her an enthusiastic smile.

River looked at him as if he were the world. "So sweetie, where are we now?"

The Doctor smiled down at her. "Go out and have a look. I have to get something."

River regarded him with excited suspicion, but slipped from his grasp and ran to fling the TARDIS doors open. Her mouth fell open and she leaned against the door frame from shock. The burnt orange sky made everything look like it was in a perpetual lovely sunset though it was bright as day. The image was especially stunning when the silver leafed trees refracted the shade of the sky making the forest before her seem brilliantly ablaze. River staggered under the indescribable beauty and significance of the place. When she finally noticed the Doctor was standing next to her, she grabbed for his sleeve tears blurring her vision, but she could still make out the sorrowful smile on his lips. "It's beautiful," she managed to choke out. "But you couldn't have taken me to—"

His hand closed over hers. "No—no," he murmured, unable to look away from the landscape. "Of course not. This isn't Gallifrey." His voice sounded a little like he was trying to remind himself. When the Doctor had first stumbled upon this planet on his travels years ago, he immediately got back on the TARDIS and left. He was unable to bear the onslaught of memories the landscape brought on. Ever since he met River, he couldn't stop thinking about this planet and his past. Somewhere along the way of tying up loose ends before the finality of his regeneration took this face, he made the decision that he wanted to see this place last with River because he believed she might be able to understand a little. River had lived in his future, and her presence assured him it would be good. He hoped she would ease his fears about dying. He smiled weakly at her. "Strikingly similar. This is Asgard." The Doctor lifted a basket she hadn't noticed between them. "And this is a picnic."

River choked on a watery laugh, leaning her forehead on his arm. "You ridiculous man."

The atmosphere was heavy, but the conversation was light as they spread a blanket out on the lush red grass. They lay out on the ground looking up at the sky not speaking for many moments. The Doctor found himself guilty with flashes of him and Rose in front of NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY. As if punishing him, his body twinged with regeneration pains. The sharpness took his breath away.

"I'm a little afraid of what's in the basket," River mused, rolling over onto her stomach to face the Doctor.

The Doctor followed, propping himself up on his elbow. "Earth food," he grinned. "Cross my hearts."

River raised an eyebrow and poked the basket doubtfully. "You were always very—creative—even with Earth food."

"Well," he replied. "You can never go wrong with chips." His smile faltered slightly as he recalled Rose again. The Doctor tried to focus on River and the way her brassy curls cast a halo in front of the orange sky. "River," he murmured, watching how her eyes softened as he said her name. "I have a favor to ask."

She smiled sweetly. "Anything."

He believed her. Her devotion was staggering. "Have you heard of the Weeping Angels?" She didn't have to reply. The color that quickly drained out of her face told him everything. "There are some senseless people out there somewhere trying to hold, collect or some other nonsense these dangerous creatures." He pursed his lips. "And I really don't have to explain to you what a colossally stupid mistake that is."

She nodded wordlessly.

"I want you to keep an eye and ear—maybe a leg if that helps you any—out for these collectors." He looked at her seriously. "Please. Don't do anything rash, just send me a message if you find anything." A glint caught the corner of his eye. His face lit up as he scrambled to his feet. He held out his hands to keep River from standing at his abrupt movement. "Just stay here for a moment. I'll be right back." He dashed down a hill, returning quickly with a bouquet of flower. The flowers were little clusters of five pointed petals, almost like petite bundled stars. The most remarkable thing about the flowers were the petals themselves, which were ghostly transparent with only the faintest tint of silver. "These." He held them out to her. "They remind me of your eyes." He gave her a cheeky smile.

She was captured by the flower's beauty but raised a cynical eyebrow. "Doctor, they don't have any color."

He lowered the bouquet in front of her face and leveled himself until they saw each other through the translucent petals. "I see you, and you see me. River, these flowers remind me of your eyes. I never said anything about color." His smile turned into a grimace, and the Doctor flinched as if he was struck from the inside.

Suddenly, realization dawned on River. The Doctor's outfit looked strikingly familiar. She had just seen it on his newer regeneration. Her eyes immediately went to his hands. She now saw the unmistakable golden glow of regeneration energy shifting underneath his skin. The Doctor was dying. Her heart ached for him. Her mind flashed to Rose Tyler. He wanted to take Rose here. She knew with sudden alacrity. He couldn't. There was no time for jealousy or anger. Her hand came up to his face. "Thank you for this, but you should go see her. Even if you can't be with her like this. You need to see her. If there is any last thing you should see with this face, it should be hers."

Longing came over his features like a wave. Guilt quickly following. "I didn't know I was quite as transparent as these flowers."

River smiled as she stood, pulling him up. "I see you, Doctor." She straightened his tie and collar. "I have your future. I want you to see to your past. I know you'll be back for me." She kissed his cheek. River turned him, and they started walking back to the TARDIS, hand in hand. Her voice took on a firm tone. "You're dying. You shouldn't waste time."

"Well, I always say you should waste time when you don't have any." He raised their clasped hands and pressed a kiss into her knuckles as they stepped into the TARDIS. They traveled back to her cell holding hands in silence. The Doctor only let her go as she slipped back behind bars. He stood in front of her, unsure of what to say; his hands still on the bars of the door from closing it. River covered his faintly glowing hands with hers. They stood in silence for a few heartbeats.

"Are you afraid?" she asked as gently as possible.

With those simple words he felt his control coming undone. The Doctor had used his remaining time as best as possible, thinking he had come to peace with the unfairness, the dread, the fear. He was dying, but no one could understand that. The person he was now would cease to exist, and he was alone again in this despair. He tried to deny it, but only a strangled noise came out. River reached up cupping his face between her hands lightly stroking him.

"Doctor," River murmured. He closed his eyes and braced himself for her kindness, for her assurance that the man he would become was worth something and that the new him would have adventures and love; he tried to prepare a smile for the forward looking love that would be reflected in her eyes for the man that sauntered away from his dead existence. Her trembling hands against his face made him open his eyes just as a wretched sob came out of her. Tears flowed freely down her face as her eyes swept across his in desperation, and her fingers caress his cheeks as if trying to embed the memory of his features into her hands. "Doctor," her voice was quivering as she looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. "I will miss _you_."

He took her hands from his face, squeezing them tightly and kissing her fingertips. "Thank you," he whispered hoarsely, overcome with a strange gratitude and relief. Why did he always underestimate River Song? He half forced a laughed. "Will you ever stop saving me from myself?"

She released his hands and gripped the bars; her eyes never leaving his face. "Not in this lifetime or the next. Not if I can help it." She smiled her loving and daring grin.

His laugh was quiet but genuine. He slowly started to back away towards the open TARDIS. "I'm a lucky man," he said as he stepped into the box.

"You're a loved man," she said quietly as the TARDIS faded away.


End file.
